david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
