I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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