OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
