So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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