He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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