Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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