New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
