i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
