I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
