I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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