On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
