2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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