I need to stop coming to work sober
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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