I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
