She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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