you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
