Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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