He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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