I wish I could punch you in the face.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
