Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
