after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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