the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
