No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
