But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
