you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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