Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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