I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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