have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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