i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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