cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
