he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
