we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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