woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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