I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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