Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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