just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pants are for mortals
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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