Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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