dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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