but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
