I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have aggressive nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
