i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
