So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
