threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
