would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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