I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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