Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
