Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
