If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
