As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
