I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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